Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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