mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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