the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We named our party play list daddy issues
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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