Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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