C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
40s are totally the cure
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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