im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
