did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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