she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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