I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
