That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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