guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
