She said her name was "party"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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