Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
