I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
