Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was confusing and full of hummus
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
