Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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