Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
