i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Will exercising make me less horny?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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