just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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