Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
