i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
