I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize