But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
