girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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