tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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