So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
there was a trapeze. enough said
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
