And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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