Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize