My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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