The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
