i think my mom watched the whole time
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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