I want to have your abortion
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize