Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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