this just has baby written all over it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
