we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
