sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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