Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
