i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
