He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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