I need help removing her.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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