I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize