It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you made out with another girl for some wings
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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