You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
