Got a toothbrush?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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