some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
