Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
