Umm I'm too high to move.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
