there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
