Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
