I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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