i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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