38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
