I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
