Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
