its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
