i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
50% drunk capacity currently
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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