So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
