I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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