I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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