Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
