I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
