my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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