i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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