i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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