i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
