did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We don't watch enough power rangers
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
