omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
