never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I need moral support for this bender
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize