She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
