im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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