Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize