Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
