he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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