We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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