so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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