He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
