its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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