why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
