remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
