But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
