I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
