to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
