fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
