The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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