I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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