Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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