Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
