I wish my penis had an off switch
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
