"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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