I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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