hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my being single is dangerous.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
