I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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