I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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