we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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