Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
