Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
