He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
