Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
