woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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