i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
