when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm passing your future prison.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
