And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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