Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
