I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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